It seems like a mistake to conceive of gays as a gay community or as your primary community. Why aren’t your friends, neighbors, co-workers your community whether they are gay or not? I think you are looking to gays and only gays to provide you with too much. I enjoy events more when there are some gays there, but I find events where people’s only common interest with me is that we are gay less interesting than events where I share the same politics with everyone but none of them are gay (of course events where both are present are better).
I’m not sure successful straight relationships are ones where the partners think they are looking for a brother or sister.
I no longer want to be gay. I know that on the surface this statement reeks of the denial, self-loathing and internalized homophobia commonly associated with accepting and integrating ones gayness but truth is, I just don’t want to be gay anymore. It has outlived its usefulness. I have experienced all aspects of the life and can safely say that it no longer speaks to the person that I am or want to become. I didn’t always feel this way.
Initially I came to this community searching for love, intimacy and brotherhood. In return, I got shade, infidelity, loneliness and disunity. The self-loathing in this community forces you to encounter a series of broken men who are self-destructive, hurtful, cruel and vindictive towards one another. I have struggled to adapt my moral code to fit the behaviors concomitant with the lifestyle but it seems that the…
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